I feel empty. Like I’m reaching and trying to find something to fill the hole but nothing does. I want to cry… As though that might release my emotions but I still can’t. I lack the physical capacity to cry or talk about my emotions. It’s so much easier to smile and pretend my life is great. Pretend I don’t feel like I’m going to break down. Pretend that my heart doesn’t feel constricted and like my breathing isn’t enough.
I’m the kind of girl that nobody notices. The kind of girl people won’t remember. The girl that’s never good enough.
I don’t want to go out ever. I just want to sleep, watch tv and read.. I want to be alone. I want to just stare at a wall and talk to no one. But at the same time, I’m so lonely and crave to talk to people. Why do I feel okay for a couple weeks and then suddenly it’s like I’m drowning in the hurricane of my own thoughts again?
What is wrong with me?
Such a happy, happy girl aren’t I? I really need to work on being less sarcastic even I am not .. Anyway, bye! Lots and lots of love to you all! xoxo